Give feedback people can act on
Describe an observed behaviour, its impact and a next step.
A capable colleague has twice sent updates after the agreed deadline. Other teams have had to delay their decisions. You are their project lead, not their line manager.
1 · Notice the conversation
Stakeholder: I feel as if you are saying I do not care.
You: That is not the judgement I am making. I am raising the timing of two updates and the effect on planning. I want to understand what is making the deadline difficult.
Stakeholder: I am waiting for figures from another team.
You: Which figures are holding the update up, and when do they usually arrive? Could we send the confirmed information first and label what is pending?
Stakeholder: What do you want me to do differently?
You: Flag the risk the day before the deadline. I will help resolve the cross-team dependency, and we can review the arrangement next Friday.
2 · Understand what each phrase does
Make the recommendation
Put the decision where the listener can find it.
Could we talk about the last two project updates?
Use the move when it serves this situation. This is not a phrase that must appear in every answer.Explain the consequence
Show what the proposal changes for people or work.
Both arrived after the agreed deadline, which left the planning team waiting to finalise its schedule.
Use the move when it serves this situation. This is not a phrase that must appear in every answer.Define the next move
Specify an action, condition or question that moves the discussion forward.
What got in the way?
Use the move when it serves this situation. This is not a phrase that must appear in every answer.3 · Rehearse, then change the details
Could we talk about the last two project updates?
Both arrived after the agreed deadline, which left the planning team waiting to finalise its schedule.
What got in the way?
Let’s agree an earlier warning if an update is at risk, and check whether the deadline itself is realistic.
Keep the purpose; change the person, document or time. A simple, accurate sentence is enough.
4 · Respond to your colleague
I feel as if you are saying I do not care.
Separate the observation from a judgement about motives.
See one possible reply
That is not the judgement I am making. I am raising the timing of two updates and the effect on planning. I want to understand what is making the deadline difficult.
I am waiting for figures from another team.
Investigate the dependency before prescribing a solution.
See one possible reply
Which figures are holding the update up, and when do they usually arrive? Could we send the confirmed information first and label what is pending?
What do you want me to do differently?
Agree an observable action and your own support.
See one possible reply
Flag the risk the day before the deadline. I will help resolve the cross-team dependency, and we can review the arrangement next Friday.
5 · Try a different situation
A colleague interrupts others in two recent meetings. Give feedback about the observable interaction and its impact, ask for their perspective, and agree one concrete change.
What do you recommend, and what should we decide next?
Use the new facts. State the consequence or trade-off and one next action.
- I use specific observations, not personality labels.
- I invite the other person’s explanation.
- I agree a next action and appropriate support.
6 · Recall without the model tomorrow
Describe an observed behaviour, its impact and a next step.